Bend So You Don’t Break

I was doing a yoga video the other day and at one point the instructor said “You learn to bend so when the storm comes you don’t break.” I like to think I’m bending slightly easier these days. I’m constantly barraged by reminders that despite all the plans I might have, what’s going to happen is just what’s going to happen. And the only thing I can do is look at the challenges in front of me and continue moving forward. 

I had plans to write a weekend itinerary for Budapest after Alex’s visit but the Ukrainian war started and honestly it felt pointless to continue writing about which cafe has the best cappuccino when there were people waking up to bombs exploding.  

I would like to offer a look into what life looks like living in a country that shares borders with Ukraine but reporting on any aspect of war is an immense responsibility that requires a certain … lack of emotion? Detachedness? Talent? that I just don’t possess. I won’t pretend that I’m in any sort of danger or putting myself in any sort of discomfort to help the refugees that have arrived either. I’ve been able to donate here and there and the school where I work has been helping a lot as well. I don’t feel comfortable honestly writing about my interactions with the displaced people because they’re human beings and its not my story to tell. 

I am pleasantly surprised by the Hungarian government’s response given what I know about how immigrants were treated in the past (all over Europe). It has been super accessible to drop off donations and a national phone line was set up as well. I can’t help but catch myself in moments of joy or complacency thinking ‘how dare I allow myself happiness right now. The Ukrainian people don’t have the luxury of letting their mind wander to distraction’. 

I know its silly and not helpful to torture myself like that so I really am trying to redirect my thoughts from ‘Oh those poor people’ to ‘Ok. Enough with the lamenting, how can I help’. Because really at the end of the day no one needs your pity. They just need help. 

In the midst of these horrific events, International Women’s Day happened and I was reminded that despite living through insanely terrible times it’s still ok to stop and try and find something to smile about. Women are given flowers by their male coworkers and friends for IWD here. Some of the little boys brought flowers for the little girls and passed them out. It was sweet and we talked about why women deserve a day celebrating them. I got a beautiful rose bush and flowers that I have already killed. I even went out and bought potting soil because I REALLY didn’t want to kill these plants but I have the opposite of a green thumb. It’s like I’m the 8th plague when it comes to plants. 

Also I turned 31! I went on a solo trip to a small northern Hungarian town called Eger. The tradition of taking myself on trips for my bday began when I was younger I think and my birthday always fell during spring break. March 16th has the uncanny ability to always be colder than you think it will be and this birthday was no different. Nothing prepares you for the uniquely freezing early March wind that punches you straight in your bones when your body has slightly started to hope for warm days. Despite how stupidly cold it was I really enjoyed my solo trip. I always revel in my ability to travel by myself and fully enjoy it.

31 sounds like such an old age. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I “should” be feeling but honestly I’m really happy with turning 31. I enjoy feeling like I’m moving forward in time. I do not however enjoy the thick gray hair that sprouted out of my head seemingly overnight but we’re just going to ignore that problem until we can’t anymore. I used to say if I could have a super power it would be to stop time so I could live in certain moments for as long as I wanted. So I could savor lying in bed or remember forever how happy I was sitting with friends on a random summer night. But I’m really starting to be ok with living with moments when they’re happening and then accepting when they’ve passed. 

I’m traveling to Nice this coming weekend to see Caroline and I’m realizing my wardrobe is very much giving a bohemian eastern European nanny so I had a brief moment of panic knowing how judgmental the French can be. I think I have enough black to scrape by for 3 days. I’m excited to see how much French I remember as well. I know the most important “ah excusez moi monsieur? Je prends un vin merci.” Thats all that matters.

I am also a little worried because its become a lesser known law of nature that if I have time off work, my body will take that opportunity to get sick. I woke up the first morning in Eger after sleeping in with a sinus headache that lasted the 3 days of break and conveniently cleared up right as I readied myself to return to school. 

I haven’t been reading lately which always puts me in a weird funk. I really want to push myself to finish a book a month this year and finish some more serious writing pieces I’ve left unfinished for awhile. For years now I’ve been easy on myself, allowing my creativity to come and go as it wanted but I think now is the time I really sit down and force something out.

Maybe I’ll give myself a deadline and post them here. I still plan to write a weekend itinerary for Budapest as well as my experience in Eger so I promise to post that soon!