Solo Traveling

I am an adult woman. I have carried myself across the world and back. I have created the life that little ten year old me couldn’t even dream of. So why is it that when I was attacked by a man on the tram last week, I felt like it was my first time in a foreign country with absolutely no idea what to do. 

Once I was finally able to get away from him and off the tram I sat down and started crying. Why is it that this man brought me to tears? This puny little man with the emotional maturity of a kindergartner throwing this tantrum on a tram. Is it because I know he’ll never be held accountable for his actions? Is it because men like him have been treating women like this for years? Is it because no one on the tram, not the multiple men or women, even looked up to intervene? Probably a combination. I think mostly it was frustration that despite all my accomplishments and how hard I’ve worked in therapy, there will still be outside factors that can absolutely fuck up my day. And that’s not fair! 

This incident got me thinking. Traveling in a foreign country, no matter any other factors that might set you apart, can be a little intimidating. But traveling as a person who is seen as less than in that country adds a whole other layer of anxiety. 

I pride myself on being a smart solo female traveler. These smarts have been honed after years of traveling on my own and few missteps that taught me the hard way how to prepare myself. Nothing major has ever happened to me and I won’t say it’s because I’m smart. I’ll say its because I’m lucky. Because no amount of smarts or experience will prepare even a seasoned traveler from every single possible situation. Sometimes I read articles meant to help solo female travelers with safety tips and tricks and can’t help but wonder why so many of these articles exist when really men could just learn to not put us in danger. Somehow I feel these listicles put the responsibility on women to stay safe as opposed to placing the responsibility on men to… you know… not kill us. 

Now before this reaches the wrong crowd I want to preface all this by saying that yes, of course, not all men are dangerous or mean harm to women. Not all snakes are poisonous either. But I’m not going to hang out with a snake and just hope its not poisonous. That is, unless I know a lot more about that snake. (but also my biggest fear in the world are snakes so maybe this metaphor isn’t great). 

So without seeming like a bit of a hypocrite I wanted to write about what I do to prepare myself. This is just my experience and I know experiences can vary greatly so comment below if you have other tips or experiences you’d like to share. 

These are a few actions I’ve taken to ease my anxiety and keep me feeling safe: 

While I am physically alone, theres never a time when someone doesn’t know where I am. I normally make a spreadsheet of all the places I am staying and a rough plan for each day.  I share that spreadsheet with my parents and a friend or two. 

I only post instagram stories tagging the location once I’ve left that area. 

I pack light. Nothing makes you a walking target more than lumbering along with an oversized duffel bag or rolling suitcase thudding down the street. 

I trust my gut. If something feels off then it is. 

I learn a few key phrases before traveling. Of course being in a place where they speak your native tongue will make things better in general. I never assume the non-English speaking countries I am going to will know English.  Hello, Goodbye, Where is the bathroom. Please. Thank you. This honestly doesn’t get you very far in a practical sense but it puts me at ease. It also goes A LONG WAY to show the local people that you are attempting their language. (Except in France. In France, you slightly mispronounce baguette and are immediately deported. It’s actually the law). 

Be wary of Air BnBs with male hosts. I’ve had enough solo traveler friends that have horror stories from Air BnBs to mention this. I feel comfortable enough staying by myself in an Air BnB that has a woman host but I still MUCH prefer hostels if I’m looking to meet other people. There are many hostels with solo rooms available as well if you’re on a budget but still want privacy. I always suggest booking an all- female room if you do decide to go the hostel route. Meeting other women has been one of my favorite parts of traveling and there’s really something beautiful about how women look out for each other. 

I have a friend that I call if I feel I’m being followed or watched. Theres been times when I’ve literally face-timed a friend and out loud said “Look at this guy who’s following me. Did you get a good look? Ok good.”. 

While the little Southern that’s left in me still has an intense urge to be polite, I really have to repress those feelings and steel myself to be mean. If a man (or woman that is giving you bad vibes) is asking a few too many questions, don’t be afraid to simply say “Oh I’m just interested in sitting by myself right now.”

Truly one time when I was by myself in New York walking home late and a stranger decided he should walk me home ‘for my safety’. The only way I could get him to leave was to stop, look him dead in the eyes, and say “I’m having diarrhea right now. You should probably walk away.” But enough about how charming I am. 

Read. I’ve learned a lot from reading other travel blogs by women as well as reading about the area I’m visiting. Will wearing shorts make me a target in a more conservative country? Are there certain bars that everyone knows to avoid? Reading google reviews of the top rated bars in each area has also helped me figure out the nightlife and how to dress for a night out. 

Join expat groups. I’m part of Girl Gone International on Facebook. Most major cities around the world will have their own Girl Gone International subgroup that offers local tips and meetups. There are women constantly posting in Budapest’s group saying they’ll be in for a week and inviting others out for coffee, drinks, or sight-seeing. 

I also want to say it all sucks. The need to exert emotional and physical energy towards making sure you’re safe. It sucks that its on me to make sure I don’t get attacked. It sucks that, as a woman, I can’t just go somewhere by myself dressed how I want and do what I want with no worries about how other people will react. But thats just not the world we live in. For now. With every woman that comes forward with an incident, I hope that any man or person in a position of power will understand that its not women’s job to change the way things are: its the men. Its men’s job to hold each other accountable. Really in general it is the person in power’s job to stand up for those who are more vulnerable.  

The safer you feel in a situation, the more fun you’re going to be able to have so I hope this article didn’t deter you from traveling but instead encourage! As I take a step down from my soapbox, please remember all the good of traveling by yourself heavily outweighs the bad. You can check out my instagram for a few more pics of my adventures or look below for a few awkward selfies and timed pics I’ve taken while traveling solo. Still haven’t mastered the selfie but after a few more million attempts maybe I’ll get it.